Dennis Rodman, international man of mystery, is back in the news stating he plans to visit Russia to seek the release of Brittney Griner, the WNBA star who was sentenced to nine years in the gulag for smuggling a vape pen into the country.
That means after many failed attempts by the US to bring Griner back, we now have our best agent on the case.
For those of you that don’t know, this isn’t Rodman’s first rodeo getting involved in foreign affairs — in fact, he is the most important role player when it comes to US-North Korea relations.
Rodman first traveled to North Korea back in 2013, where him and his crew were the first Americans to ever meet Kim Jong-Un. And let’s just say they hit it off, with Rodman calling Kim a “friend for life” and a “great guy” after the visit.
It hasn’t just about making lifelong friends for Dennis though — he’s been there for business as well.
Rodman’s frequent visits on international diplomacy directly attributed to the release of American prisoner, Kenneth Bae, who had been sentenced to 15 years of hard labor in a North Korean prison camp.
While this was a major accomplishment for Rodman, unfortunately the relationship hasn’t been perfect.
On one of his more recent visits it was rumored that Rodman was drunk the whole week of his stay, and the night before he left for the U.S. he blacked out and vomited, piss, and shit all over his hotel room.
All relationships have there ups and downs though, and if any one can play that off — it’s Rodman.
But now he turns his eyes to Russia.
The US Government has urged Rodman not to get involved, as he “may only make matters worse”.
But I think he may be the only man for the job.
Hall of Famer. 5x NBA Champ. 2x Defensive Player of the Year. 7x Rebounding Champ. 1x North Korean Prisoner Freeing Champ.
He was built for this.
And while he may not share the same level of friendship with Vladimir Putin as he does with Kim, Rodman expressed confidence in being able to get the job done.
“I know Putin too well,” he’s said ominously.
Which makes me think there may be more to Dennis Rodman than we realize..
See when most people think of secret agents, they think of James Bond.
They think of someone suave and smooth, who uses secret gadgets and hand-to-hand combat and cool cars to accomplish espionage.
But that’s make-believe.
You know who the best secret agents are in real-life?
The person you least suspect.
And who would suspect the 6’7″ basketball player with colorful hair and face piercings?
The known party boy who defecates all over your hotel room while visiting as a foreign ambassador?
The 12th place finisher on Celebrity Apprentice Season 8?
Turns out Rodman has been playing the long game all along.
He’s the US Government’s #1 asset — and the whole act of them not wanting him to go is all for show.
We’re sending our best spy — a true international man of mystery — to get in, get the girl, and get out.
It won’t be an easy mission, but don’t be shocked when Rodman is the one that brings Griner home.
And afterwards, he’ll celebrate with a dry vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
(Just make sure his hotel has a solid cleaning team on staff).
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